We spent bank holiday weekend as all Brits do – in the pub. Ours was a special trip out, being the first time I’d properly met my Miss’s mother. I was determined to make a great impression, which meant keeping the drinks flowing and trying to keep pace.
This was a mistake. A combination of sun, strong lager and an empty stomach left me good for nothing by the time we returned home and I ended up soundly snoring by 8.30.
I’ve therefore been asked to write five reasons I should be punished for this, followed by 10 reasons I had a great day. I don’t know if a punishment is on its way, or the entry itself is a punishment. I’m sure I’ll find out soon enough. Anyway, here are five reasons I ought to be punished for my tipsyness:
- I deprived Miss of quality time together
- I was incapable of providing the service she has come to expect
- Drunkenness is not sissy-like
- It’s in my best interest to submit to any behaviour-modifying punishments Miss deems fit
- It will reduce the likelihood of repeat behaviour in the future
With that out of the way, here are 10 reasons I had a fabulous day out in spite of my bad behaviour:
- I love spending time with Miss
- I got to met Miss’s mother
- Miss looked fabulous
- The sun was shining and the weather was beautiful
- I love beer gardens
- I ate lovely food
- I’m proud to be in public with my beautiful Miss on my arm
- I woke up in Miss’s bed with my beautiful Miss beside me
- We caught the sun
- I couldn’t think of a better way to spend bank holiday
I’ve been asked to purchase a notebook for my Miss in which she can record my future behaviour and designate punishments accordingly. I’d also like to get a proper punishment paddle, since our current one is cheap, overly flexible and without the proper bite needed to be a true deterrent.