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We spent bank holiday weekend as all Brits do – in the pub. Ours was a special trip out, being the first time I’d properly met my Miss’s mother. I was determined to make a great impression, which meant keeping the drinks flowing and trying to keep pace.

This was a mistake. A combination of sun, strong lager and an empty stomach left me good for nothing by the time we returned home and I ended up soundly snoring by 8.30.

I’ve therefore been asked to write five reasons I should be punished for this, followed by 10 reasons I had a great day. I don’t know if a punishment is on its way, or the entry itself is a punishment. I’m sure I’ll find out soon enough. Anyway, here are five reasons I ought to be punished for my tipsyness:

  1. I deprived Miss of quality time together
  2. I was incapable of providing the service she has come to expect
  3. Drunkenness is not sissy-like
  4. It’s in my best interest to submit to any behaviour-modifying punishments Miss deems fit
  5. It will reduce the likelihood of repeat behaviour in the future

With that out of the way, here are 10 reasons I had a fabulous day out in spite of my bad behaviour:

  1. I love spending time with Miss
  2. I got to met Miss’s mother
  3. Miss looked fabulous
  4. The sun was shining and the weather was beautiful
  5. I love beer gardens
  6. I ate lovely food
  7. I’m proud to be in public with my beautiful Miss on my arm
  8. I woke up in Miss’s bed with my beautiful Miss beside me
  9. We caught the sun
  10. I couldn’t think of a better way to spend bank holiday

I’ve been asked to purchase a notebook for my Miss in which she can record my future behaviour and designate punishments accordingly. I’d also like to get a proper punishment paddle, since our current one is cheap, overly flexible and without the proper bite needed to be a true deterrent.